The first poem of my upcoming poetry collection entitled: M.E…
In what context have you heard the phrase: LOOK AT ME!?
Shall we explore? I’d love to learn more!
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I presume, sadly, that the most universal context wherein we all share this experience,
Is with that little *ding*
People love to speak glory from their lips, about the fact that we linger and loom, with devices,
quite literally attached to our hips, that are more powerful than the chips that put humans on the moon.
Sure, that’s pretty cool and all, but hopefully soon, we also see that we are attached to the psyche with these devices, stealing attention away sometimes even fatally.
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The subtle loss of the occasional eye contact with a stranger is unnoticeable to a generation that notices nothing unless prompted by that same fucking… *ding* -- go away please… *ding* -- oh god, what do you want now… *ding* please, I’m just trying to make a point… *ding* fine, what is it!?
When conditioned only to look where we are told, we cannot fathom those things that unfold in places we cannot even notice have vanished.
And that place is: the subway.
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As a young autistic, afraid introverted curious kid, well I’m sure you can guess: yes, I loved the subway!
What a haven to people watch! I believe, and others too before me have also I am sure, that if you sit in a square, or ride a train, and you stare at every person, fancy or plain – if in that moment, you are not unboreable – then there is an unbearable truth I cannot explain – for the creative spirit does not rest in your soul – and deep within your possibility to connect with others, there must be a hole…
For on the subway, I am immersed in the immensity of the gravity of the lives of my compatriots! How we march on with the duty of our lives with diligence and excellence! How studiously we study our candy crush scores and scroll reddit till we cannot feel bored! How wondrously we dangerously devoid our attentional capacities with hits of glamour and glee from the feedback of projected images on our screens produced by silicone – from fire and stone, somehow – and for this we cannot atone - things have gotten shallower.
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I don’t ride the subway often anymore, but when I do I make it a rule to never gruel over the content produced on my phone – I hone in my attention again, and protrude my eyes and intrude like a voyeur on the lives of my fellow voyagers!
And recently, I was forced to recall a time that even I have fallen away from, can barely remember – yet as it is true even with one sniff of that ember – it is an experience we all cannot forget: a time where we had nothing else to look at, but each other.
I see it as if it were yesterday – there I was, leaning against the door. Looking around as I usually do when I see a child in a stroller with her family. Upset, abruptly this child starts to cry, and with a sigh I see her mother try to comfort her.
And all I do is look – the power of our eyes – and she sees me; and with those small round pearly teary eyes, she says: LOOK AT ME!
And so, I do – and I feel her sorrow melt in our gaze - the haze of her feelings starts to clear, and a smile emerges on her face, from ear to ear. She lifts her little hand off the rest of her stroller, and with those tiny tilted fingers – as if waving to a cat – she opens and closes them towards me.
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Reminded so am I, that within the power of our eye – our mutual gaze – that we can sing a song of praise and comfort – that we can alter the vicissitudes of the human condition with vision alone – but alas, today, we cannot not even notice this power unless it is through a phone.
LOOK AT ME, I demand – don’t look down, don’t be afraid of my eye – this is the place where we meet, soul to soul, compatriot to compatriot – eye to eye we are equal – eye to eye we cannot escape the ever-expanding enclosure of our experience on this earth. I yearn for you to see me, gaping, broken, but unabashedly present in your view: come now, let me see you too.
If you enjoyed, please share on social media, with your grandma, and especially with the next random stranger you see! All love ❤
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